Illogical Attraction
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: Prompt Fic  Hepzibah Smith  real , purportedly a direct heir of Helga Hufflepuff herself, is entertaining a young guest, and just so happens to have a story about the day she met an alien for him. Her gift will change the Wizarding World forever. Review.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the associated characters or concepts from Harry Potter or Star Trek.**

**To be honest, I had NO idea who _Hepzibah Smith_ was either... but when I looked her up, she's actually quite an interesting character... With my own personal slant onn her, though.**

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><p><strong>Prompt: <strong>Hepzibah Smith?/Spock. Kleenex. Anything Goes.

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><p><strong>Illogical Attraction<strong>

**~)0(~**

It could be said, of Hepzibah Smith, that she had more money than sense… many would agree with this statement vehemently. A reputed direct descendant of the Hogwarts founder, Helga Hufflepuff, it was said there was some similarities –should you be willing to study portraiture of them both extensively-, and you could not deny the evidence of her extensive chronicles recording her family's illustrious history… These facts simply could not be ignored…

And yet, it was this very descendant who did something most peculiar of a kind that she only spoke of once, quietly, in a hushed confidence to a quiet, seemingly-well manned but pale boy many years after it had happened… About how she first came into possession, of a most famed heirloom, the Cup of Helga Hufflepuff herself. For if she had spoken it aloud to any other rational person, they should have thought her quite mad…

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"Once," she mused to the boy, sitting with magnificent posture across the little white table from her, "Something extraordinary happened to me, of the kind you can never forget… remember to keep these words to yourself, my dear, lest my family catch wind and try to have me locked away in St Mungo's, and I shall tell you of a magnificent occurrence that reunited my family with something once long-lost and forgotten from memory."

The young man blinked, nodding avidly and sincerely over his dainty white cup with a beautiful rose painted on the side, a twin to the one she also held; Hepzibah proffered a biscuit tin at him, "Care for a slice, my dear? Oh, you are so thin already, I envy that…the slim figures of youth, I was once quite a looker myself, actually. Come now, one will not hurt you… There we are! Now, where was I…? Ah yes…"

~)0(~

The boy positively beamed when she praised him, and all he had done was reach for a biscuit! It was impossible to dislike Hepzibah Smith, she was the kind of dear old lady you simply wished with all your might was your great aunt or grandmother, for she was sweet and generous… Wealth meant nothing to her… Should you mention a fondness for a toy truck in the window of the Toy Store you passed on the way here, no doubt you would awaken the next morning to a room filled with the item of your desire, and ten or more similar…

Generous to a fault, but always in pursuit of the silliest things. One of her main passions in this life, though, was antiques… nothing thrilled the old lady more than a day traipsing through old stores and finding some rare or ancient relic of life past; muggle or magical, if it was old, had value or was simply shiny, she cooed and exclaimed like a grandmother meeting a new grandchild. She was always telling the boy these things, black eyes glistening with excitement and pride; he always listened, the perfect little gentlemen… so polite! She doted upon him, and her dear House Elf, Hokey, also thought the world of the 'young Master'.

Every day he would come down from the school to speak to her, she had spoken to Dumbledore personally about this matter and he had special dispensation to see her in the free period before lights out… And she always had some interesting curio or gift awaiting him, along with a cup of mint tea and a pile of biscuits so high you had to stand on tiptoe to see the other across the table, at first!

Today was different, however. For today, there had been nothing on display for him to immediately see, touch or admire, when he walked inside… though the older lady had been standing with her back to him, looking intently at some unknown item upon her necklace…for the golden chain gleamed in the chandelier's light. Why she had had one installed in the sitting room, no one could guess…

Today, she turned and hid away the item, her eyes wistful as she bustled about. He knew the date, for every year she acted strangely, however… this time seemed different, like she was expecting another, for there was a third chair at the table. Not to mention how nervous Madam Hepzibah appeared… flustered and fussing, never still. She must have re-filled his cup more times than necessary in the last few moments alone.

And now a story?

Well, who was he to deny her this re-telling? Smiling, the pale boy leaned forwards, eager to hear her tale… she did not disappoint.

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"Many years past, more than I count to recall, dear lad… there I was, fair swanning about Diagon Alley in my newest dress robes of a stunning violet; caused quite a sensation, I tell you!" Hepzibah paused to laugh, waving a hand and setting down her cup of tea, untouched as she stared out the window. "The place was not anything like what you know it to be, for back then there were not as many modern magical conveniences… it was rather plain, but had all the necessities, bustling with life at all hours of day and night. It was this very day, oh so many years before this… when I met a man… he was the most strange, outlandish, wonderful person I had met until that moment… never again would I meet anyone like him, I know that now."

She passed a critical eye over the boy, "You look much like him, he too was pale but had impeccable manners. As I said, this day in Diagon Alley I had gone down to sift through the newest of Magical Item Procurement Stores, at least… that is what I told my parents. For I was but twenty, and at that time it was mortifying to have a young lady unaccompanied in Diagon Alley, for it was so close to…that other place of such ill repute. To be quite honest, I had actually gone that day in hopes of sidling off to Knockturn Alley, for there was a new store –Borgan & Burkes- that was opening there and I much wished to see and sample their colelctables. I was young, and foolish… I should have listened to my parents…or at least, not worn such easily recognisable robes."

He shifted on his seat slightly, entranced but fidgety for some unfathomable reason… he pulled out a tiny box as Hepzibah paused to look on in amusement, "Go ahead, dear boy…I know you have been eyeing it –great taste, by the way- for many a year… I have decided you may have it now." She smiled. Opening the lid, his heart near stopped… nestled in the light green silk was-…was-…

"T-Thank you, I don't know what to-… I mean, this is so-…" he couldn't find the words and so, leapt upright, hugging the older woman about the middle with an expression close to awe. The woman laughed, "Ah my dear, it is yours, you bring sunshine to my twilight years… now, sit down and I shall tell you of my greatest achievement through folly, shall I?"

He sat down again, carefully taking up the locket and slipping it about his neck. Hepzibah stood and paced slowly as she talked, like the movement jogged the memory, "Ah, well there were people in that alley for many a reason, and all of the dark… though I was innocent of this knowledge at the time; simply bustling through like a giant purple signboard. When my back was turned, someone snatched at my robe and frightened me… I whirled about, only just realising what a fool I had been; I was alone, and there were many dirty, uncouth wizards emerging from shadow and nook alike. They surrounded me… Borgan and Burkes was only around the corner with a bustling trade, but I doubt anyone would hear if I called for aid… I had just made peace with the Powers-That-Be, when suddenly, there he was…"

She sighed, like a character from a romantic comedy, thinking on their one true love. "Oh, a dashing creature of a man in a strange uniform… he appeared and made it clear to them they should move away… The raw strength he had! I fairly swooned when I saw the muscles bulge in those slim arms; a deceptive form, his… you would never know he was capable of such acts of strength from the looks of him, but he was. They did not stay long enough to do more than to throw a few abominable words -that I shall not sully your innocent ears with- in our direction… He turned to me in that moment, and a deep voice like warm honey asked, "Are you well, madam? Your presence here is precarious and illogical, I calculate a sixty-four percent chance those men will return within the hour… allow me to escort you to safety… I am Commander Spock, Science Officer aboard the Starship Enterprise.'"

There was a fluttering of pink fabric as a flushed Hepzibah fanned herself rapidly at the memory, "Well I never! Here was a most magnificent sculpture of a man, strong and protective… offering to take me to safety like some knight in shining armour… and an officer too! My mind was racing as fast as my poor, dainty heart!" Her expression was such that the boy tried his best not to burst into laughter, for she was quite serious.

"I, of course, accepted his help… He appeared surprised by his surroundings, like he had apperated in without any thought to his destination –a dangerous thing, my lad, never try to apparate without knowing exactly where you are going or you might splinch yourself! I bade him follow me about the corner, to the store I had originally been trying to reach…all manner of curios lined the walls, most magnificent, in fact. I could not, despite my best verbal proddings, produce more than his original statement from this mysterious stranger, 'Spock', and was left quite puzzled. Though I persevered."

"He was taller than I, hair dark and short, there was a strange, exotic slant to his facial structure that screamed I should know something more than what he said, without verbal cues… but the truth eluded me this once. I asked him why he was here… and 'Spock' replied, "During a fight with several Klingon Warbirds, the Starship Enterprise incurred heavy damage, we attempted to take shelter in Saturn's rings… but their new weaponry created some form of black hole, which we were inadvertently sucked into. Primary investigations revealed we were pulled into an alternate universe… yours; which differs greatly from our own for one main reason, the substance you call 'Magic'. It has created significant changes in your history that break away from the timeline of events in our own Universe's history; I have been sent here to locate an item that is vital to our repairs, without it we may never get to return to our own universe.' He said, all officiously."

She swelled a little in stance, looking like a mama bird ruffling it's feathers. "Oooh, he was a looker all right… but he was quite focused on his 'mission'… to be honest, I didn't believe him, but I did try to help. Asked him what it was he was searching for and he showed me this funny little screen with a picture on it, it was a magnificent enchantment… though he insisted it was not magical and had, in fact, been created by science in the future. I just nodded, but looked about for the object he searched for, it looked a little like… well, like a metal teapot, but with a glowing middle, never seen it's like before, thought the search was fruitless! I was wrong, of course."

"Right at the moment I spotted it on the fourth shelf upon the back wall of Borgan & Bourkes, shuffling down to grab it excitedly; it was then I noticed his hair had fallen out of place and his ears…were pointed, a shape I had never seen before. When my surprised mind had placed the whole thing together, I came up with an odd conclusion and simply decided to ignore it… after all, it was rude of me to stare. He seemed like he was grateful I had found the item, although the man didn't seem to know how to smile, poor dear… Ah well, I also snatched a few items on the way out and demanded they all be giftwrapped –for no other reason than I felt that Borgan & Burkes should be made to work for my custom!- with a pink bow atop each item. Poor Spock looked rather perturbed when I handed over his item with it's adorable white wrapping and pink bow, quashing his protests against my paying for it. He had saved my life, after all…"

She smiled, like something amusing had come to mind, so he waited patiently, hands gripping tightly to the edge of the seat he was slowly falling off inch by inch in his need to move closer, to hear the story's end…

"Ah yes, he had the most interesting look as we stepped outside, he raised an eyebrow when looking at the wrapped item, then to me and said, "I shall extend your thanks to the Captain, personally, Madam. For your own safety, I must insist that I accompany you back to a more densely populated area, for this place appears to be a security risk." He was quite the gentleman. So we walked back towards Diagon Alley… once or twice I saw a skulking figure in the darkness, let out quite a yelp, I assure you. Spock didn't seem to mind when I pressed closer, he was watching the darkness too… Only once did any of those filthy cowards make an attempt… leaping out of the shadows and whipping their wands in frantic uncoordinated gestures, absolutely mangling any and all spells they had been trying to cast; by some unfortunate miracle, one got through and sliced a swift streak through the poor Commander's cheek. I tell you I was so angry in his defence I Stupified them into next week!" Her normally cheerful face was slightly red in the cheeks, flushed with righteous anger.

"After the ruffians had retreated, I came to notice something most peculiar… a thin dribble of green blood was pooling down his cheek from the shallow wound; finally I drew up the courage to ask, 'Sir, are you in fact, an alien…?' and, I swear this is the part I shall always remember, he smiled but a moment and answered, 'Your assumption is correct, I am not human but Vulcan, from the planet Vulcan in my own Universe. Is there anything further you wish to know…? For I must soon leave you.' he stopped, for we had reached the entrance to Diagon Alley and he continuously looked upwards. Questions failed me at that moment, all I could do was shake my head and stand on tiptoe to peck him lightly on his undamaged cheek for his troubles… I wished him well and made a bad pun about 'Mooning over me', he seemed not to mind."

Her hand slipped down under her high collar and tugged at the gold chain… out came a small insignia, like an arrow… "At the last moment, he gave me this… Mentioned that, if at all possible, he would return upon this very day to see me again… pah, but that was more than forty- uh, *ten* years ago, my dear boy, if he was coming, I should say he would have been here by now. Still, I like to admire this on occasion; the last I saw of him, he had disappeared into thin air, nothing but a faint shimmering of lights left in his wake…"

Hepzibah blinked a few times, dabbing at her wet eyes with a hanky and letting a sniffle surface; then she reined it in and composed herself, "Ah, but you don't want to hear about such a silly story… _Aliens_, scientific teapots and the like…Just my silly imagination." She looked coyly at the boy hanging off her every word. "I don't suppose you would be interested in hearing about my recent acquisition from a certain, Caractus Burke, would you? It's a family heirloom, reported and supposed missing for centuries… of course, it cost a pretty galleon, but then again, considering what it is…"

The pale boy wiggled in his seat and half-fell off it before leaping up again, "You don't mean you found-… the legendary Cup?" he breathed reverently. Hepzibah took pride in the fact that someone in the next generation still cared for their historical roots, "Why yes, dear boy, I finally found it! The Cup of my dear ancestor, Helga Hufflepuff… lost for centuries, and now found again. Quite exciting, I tell you… such a find!" she beamed.

Her eyes strayed to the chiming clock, "Oh dear, run along now my pet or you'll be late for bed… don't want to upset your Headmaster now, do we? See you tomorrow night then, I'll have the Cup all polished up to show you, won't that be a treat?"

The pale boy stood framed in the doorway, almost ghostlike in the light, eyes sparkling with an emotion he rarely used; the fingers of one hand played over the Locket of Salazar Slytherin reverently and carefully tucked it in his shirt. Tom Riddle beamed, "Oh, that would be wonderful, Madam Hepzibah! I can't wait! Well, goodnight!" he said cheerfully and waved as he turned and ran off towards the castle.

She sighed after him, smiling softly, "I plan on leaving everything to him when I go on, such a lovely boy… You can come out now, Commander Spock, I know you're there!" she trilled, and the Vulcan appeared from an adjacent room. Hepzibah gestured to the table that Hokey had recently restocked, "Tea? Biscuits? Do sit down dearie, I've waited quite a while to see you…" she bustled about as he sat down obligingly. "Now tell me, how did your Captain like his gift…?"

Spock opened his mouth to reply…

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><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

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><p><strong>~Many Years Ago, the Starship Enterprise~<strong>

As his First Officer, a somewhat dishevelled Commander Spock, placed the beautifully wrapped item in his hands without the slightest trace of any emotion –and the full attention of the Bridge Crew-, Captain Kirk looked down at it with amusement in his expression. A small twitch appeared under one eye as he fought not to burst out laughing at what had happened to the Multi-phasic Trans-induction Coil… He cleared his throat, "Well Spock, the bow sets it off Beautifully…" he made a show of studying the sticky wound on the Vulcan's cheek with great scrutiny. "She must have been some woman…"

The Vulcan let out a rare half-smile, "That she is, Captain." He turned on his heel and strode out of the room before anyone could stop him.

Bones frowned, "What's gotten into the Hobgoblin today…? And where's his commbadge gone…?"

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Hepzibah Smith fingered the tiny little arrowhead trinket her Space Commander had given her before he left, wondering at it's significance… She smiled softly and decided she didn't care, it was important to her…and so saying, she slipped it onto the gold chain about her throat…and never took it off again.

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><p><strong>The End.<strong>

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><p><strong>Yes, you did just read that.<strong>

**You may have noticed there was a lack of the word 'Kleenex' in the story... why? I forgot it... to be fair, this did take 2 and 1/2 hours to write, so just take that into account and try not to judge too harshly...**

**REVIEW if you feel like it.**

**~*SailorSilvanesti/Phoenix Fire*~**


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